Why do I blog? I asked myself that question today. I honestly, technically, do not have time to blog. My oldest is at work in Indiana, my second oldest is at work in Clinton, my next oldest is doing her hair, the next three are at Grandpa and grandma Redmans, and the baby is sleeping. I have more to do than I can get done and should be doing one of those things. Folding the last load of laundry, making the desserts for people coming over tomorrow, cleaning anything (it all needs cleaned), taking a shower before we go pick up the kids, picking up any of a number of messes, organizing a closet, they all need something. But, I am here blogging. I realized the number one reason I blog is because I need prayer. I am in a place of waiting. I am in the place Jesus wants me to be. I do not like this place. I am trying to learn to like this place. I surely do not want to look back and realize I missed an opportunity to learn, to abide in Him, to love Him in this wait. So, I find myself desperate for Him. I find myself desperate for prayer. I feel if I walked into church and a sign said “please come in here and we will pray for you” I would walk right in. I want to walk up to my friends, family and ask them could you pray with me? Perhaps it is even more than knowing someone is praying for me, maybe I need them to pray with me. I honestly do not like being in this place of need. I can do this I tell myself. I can make it through this. I can see the boys’ faces and I can trust the Lord He loves them more than I do and I can wait. I can manage day after day with no news. But, somehow I feel like I need prayed for over and over and over again. Why do I have to feel so weak? He tells me to be strong and courageous. Why do I have to be so needy? He tells me to look to Him and find rest. Why is this test so hard? So, I ponder these questions. The second reason I blog is it somehow helps me to process what is happening.
“I am waiting on Thee, Lord, to open the way.” J.Hudson Taylor
I have been reading from a precious little book entitled “The Red Sea Rules” by Robert J. Morgan, given to me by my Aunt Betty. It says, “This is what the biblical phrase, “wait on the Lord” is about: committing our Red Sea situations to Him in prayer, trusting Him, and waiting for Him to work. Doing that runs counter to our proactive and assertive selves, but many a modern migraine would be cured by a good dose of Psalm 37:7-8: “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him…Do not fret it only causes harm.” If you’re in a difficult place right now, perhaps you need to entrust the problem to the Lord and leave it in His hands awhile. He alone can storm the impregnable, devise the improbable, and perform the impossible. He alone can part the waters.”
So Lord, I wait, I rest in You, I wait patiently for you, I choose not to fret. Part the waters. In the meantime may this be my prayer, for You to be glorified. For others to see You High and lifted up, the son of Man in all His glory, working good, caring for the orphans soon to be sons. For you have told us in Deuteronomy 10:18a, that” You defend the cause of the fatherless and the widow.” Defend their cause Lord, move the governments to action.
“I know He tries me only to increase my faith, and that is all in love, Well, if He is glorified, I am content. ”J. Hudson Taylor
Lastly, it has been hard in that we have felt lead away from our church home, Gracepoint, to be in a place where there are more adoptive families. The first week at our new church, a man introduced himself to Ron. The next week we found out he and his wife have adopted from Vietnam. The next week Ron shared with him about our adoption. He asked if he could send us his wife’s book that she wrote. I received it on Good Friday…and have wept through each chapter. I have not realized the spiritual battle we have been in with this adoption and all the emotional difficulties that it has caused for me. They had a ton of delays and issues with their first adoption and it was like she was describing everything I am going through. He is leading a class next week on caring for vulnerable children. It seems very clear now that the reason we had to leave Gracepoint has the most to do with what God needs us to know before the boys come and how to stand in faith in this waiting.
We continue to covet your prayers and will keep everyone updated as we progress.
Blessings in Christ,