Silence. No word. Waiting. Hoping. Trusting where I cannot see. Wait upon the Lord, Be strong, take heart and wait upon Him. Wait and wait and wait some more. Strong one day, weak the next. Full of faith one day, lacking faith the next.
You oh, Lord are timeless. You know the ending of the story that I cannot see. You know the whys of our days, the things we do not understand. The pain we feel, the hurts we carry, You know. I bring them to you, trusting in your perfect way and your perfect plan. You are Holy and use unholy people. People flawed by sin. I am in awe that You consider me. I am in awe that I can be your child, that you call me friend, that you allow me to be part of your big plan. I am a sinner, in need of your shed blood to cleanse me from my unrighteousness, my selfishness, my pride, my doubt, my worry, my fear. I run to You. Only You understand. You hold me when I fail. You hold me when I let people down.
You are in control. The Psalmist cries out and echoes our longings…”Save us and help us with your right hand, that those you love may be delivered.”
The best thing I have recently learned is about prayer. From several different places I have learned the blessedness of praying using the Psalms. So often I come to a point in prayer, of what do I pray for this person? Then, I read in a book by Philip Yancey of praying the Psalms. Next, a fellow adoptive dad from Haiti actually prayed over our son in Haiti with Psalm 30. Finally I heard a message on this, ok, Lord I got it! It has helped me so much in these waiting days and with other struggles in life. Take a Psalm and put your own name or your loved ones name, or the person you are praying for in the Psalm. For example,
“Hear _____ prayer O God; listen to _________prayer. From the ends of the earth_________calls to you, __________calls as__________heart grows faint. Lead_________to the rock that is higher than_________. For you have been_________refuge, a strong tower against the foe.” Psalm 61:1-3
I have prayed scripture before but just never realized the power in praying the Psalms. It was often David’s reassurance to himself of who God was and that victory was in sight.
We have heard not one word since my last blog post. There has been unrest in Haiti, the carnival in Haiti and a death of a loved one for our orphanage director that has caused yet more delays. So, in all this I conclude that God is in control and His timing is and will be perfect. To be honest, there are days when I wonder if it will ever happen, and then I take comfort in my weakness for it is when we are weak that He is strong. So I cling to Him more, and have no choice but to trust and to entrust all those I love near and far to Him. He loves our sons in Haiti more than we do, so while I plead with Him like the persistent widow for a referral, I must rest in His unchanging, all powerful nature to rest in Him. I quote Chuck Jacob, “You will feel your unbelief the most where, paradoxically, your faith is being grown.”
My prayer is Psalm 63:8 “My soul followeth hard after thee; Thy right hand upholdeth me.”
Furthermore I have been comforted by the personal nature of our God. To begin with, I have realized if I want to know how God would respond, I must only look to Jesus. He sent him so we could know what he was like. In Exodus 3 we learn of God’s intimate care of his people.
Exodus 3:7-8a “The Lord said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey…”
Notice the reality of who God is: He sees, He hears, He is concerned, He comes down. He brings them out. He rescues. Jesus only continues this aspect as a personal God. When He fed the 4000 in Mark 8:2, He said, “I have compassion for them.” They were “just hungry” and he cared about that. When Blind Bartimaeus was crying out for Jesus to have mercy on him as he passed by, the people rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he did not relent and Jesus stopped and said, “call him”. Jesus then healed Bartimaeus, and he received the gift of sight. He stopped what he was doing and saw his need. No matter where you are or what you are going through, Jesus cares. He has compassion on your situation and loves you.
Trying to remind myself of this as I just received news that they have currently stalled interviews to focus on referrals and exit letters……ugh.
Thanks so much for your prayers.
Ending quotes: “Vocation or calling is the place where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”– Frederick Buechner
“But God does not call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely, that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through.”– Francis Chan