I don’t know why it has taken me this long to realize that the waiting is the trial. The Lord has promised us that when we are believers we will face trials of many kinds.” Consider it pure joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”.” James 1:2-4. For some reason though, it seems the trials sneak up on us and are in different forms than we expect and we are then thrown off guard, questioning His plan, questioning His ways. I have felt all along such a great peace re; the Lord providing financially for this adoption and He has proved Himself faithful. I guess I knew deep down inside that Ron and I were willing to sell our house and rent if we could find no other way to pay for it. That having been said, the trial for me has come along these lines of waiting. Waiting in the beginning to hear if we were in a long line of people wanting to adopt these boys? Then, waiting to hear if we would receive pre-approval due to our current family size. And now, waiting for a referral. Originally this adoption was supposed to happen quickly. When you are adopting older children and sibling groups, these children are considered “waiting” children. This usually means a quicker process. In our case, due to Haiti becoming a Hague adoptive country, it means more waiting. I mean we have literally thought for 6 months, today could be the day! I am emotionally drained of that.
What happens in the wait? I have thought of how I long to meet our sons. Then the Lord asked me, Do you long to see me? Do you long to meet with me every day? Do you long for my return? Ugh, punch to the gut!
One version of Psalm 46:10 that we normally hear is “Be still and know that I am God.” Another version says “Cease striving and know that I am God.” Wow, cease striving. Just sit there and let God work. Honestly, I am weary of striving. I am weary of paperwork and fundraising. I am fundraised out. I am weary of figuring and refiguring the numbers to see how close we are. I just want to me a mom again, not an accountant, not a grant writer, not a fundraiser. We feel we have raised enough. I am now ceasing striving. The beginning of Psalm 46 says: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea.” I am now going to embrace this trial of waiting, now that I have properly identified it. I am going to “consider it all joy.” The Lord has designed this trial just for me, for His glory. It will accomplish what He needs to accomplish in a way nothing else could. He is preparing us, preparing our sons and being God. We try to put God in a box, a nice cozy box….where we can predict Him, figure Him out. We want a nice, predictable comfortable life. So now, I must let God be the God of the Universe and the Lord of my life by letting go. “Lord, I entrust to You the timing of our sons coming home. You know my heart longs for them to come home quickly, but I know that You are watching over them right now. You are Holy, Righteous, Sovereign, Good and faithful. You know when we should receive a referral, when we should travel, when ours sons should come home. I will be still and wait upon You. I will trust You. You know every detail. You know our heart’s ache, You know their pain. In the same way You wait patiently for the lost to come home to You. You are not held by the constraints of time as we are. We know that You have put eternity in the hearts of men. Help me to embrace the wait, to see it as the trial it is and allow the Joy. I love you Lord. I will extol your name!”
If you do not know Jesus today, what is stopping you? He loves you and adores you, He died on the cross for my sin and yours. He paid the price for you to be adopted into His family and become His son or daughter. That is love.