This past week the Lord used another situation with one of my children to teach me a lesson. This one was kind of hard. It was book fair week at our elementary school. There is a day for parents to come have lunch with their children, one or two grades a day. I came and had lunch with Anna on Monday. Josh’s day was Friday. We were a little early so we decided to have lunch with Anna again. She came into the lunch room, saw Ally and me, waved, got her milk and sat way across the lunch room at another table. I tried to not feel hurt, I tried to figure that she knew I was there to have lunch with Josh that day….but the truth was, I was crushed. I convinced her to sit with us as Ally would be sad. (Not me, of course) Now, on one hand I realize I am thankful that she is so independent since she nursed for almost 3 years and I was up many a night with her with ear infection and several sets of tubes and finally adenoids out. She was stuck like glue to me for a good five years. They say attachment parenting eventually produces really independent kids! I guess so!
But, the Lord also gave me another picture. I realized that I was Anna. I was the one who walked right by the Lord, choosing not to spend time in prayer and Bible reading. I was the one many days that decided I didn’t need that time with Him. Was He waiting for me? Did He have things He wanted to help me with that day? Was I too busy to notice him, or did I wave and walk by? How could I know how much He loved me? Was He sad that I didn’t want Him? I know He loves me infinitely more than I love my own children, and so I am guessing on those days where I think I need my own wisdom more than His, He does feel disappointed in me. I talked with one of Josh’s friends at lunch and he said if his mom came to lunch he would RUN into her arms! Do I run into Jesus arms at the start of the day? Is it my day? Or is it His day?